HOW DO I HATE THEE……………

Well, if you are a grasshopper from SW Kansas–I can’t even begin to tell you all the ways that I hate you (Thee).

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Wipe that stupid look off your face.

Once again, you have deprived me of my delicious Rhubarb.  You have eaten my chives, stripped the salvia, yarrow and Russian sage bare.  You have eaten our crops and our trees.  You have robbed me of my gardening joy.

                Above are sedum and globe thistle that you have defiled.

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 What revenge do I reap upon you and your evil brethren?  Early in the morning I catch you and put you in a coffee cup.  I shake it vigorously several times to give you a headache.  Sorry, not sorry.  Then, after that……(cue horror music)………

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 …………I feed you to my quail!!!!  How I enjoy watching you disappear down their little gullets.   Sweet revenge.

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Skip to my Loo.

This now brings us to the moral of the story:  What is a problem for one, is nothing but juicy, goodness for another.

A GARDEN TALE..a story of triumph.

One spring day, a beautiful young woman, donned a fresh pinafore and skipped happily to the garden to sow wonderful seeds.  In a parallel universe, a slightly sweaty, middle-aged woman trudged out to her garden to also sow seeds.

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“Devil weeds!”

But alas!!!!  The same ugly mass of weeds that had haunted her last fall, was still laying in wait, mocking and sullen.

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“Sigh”

 

What to do with the seeds?  Would our heroines’ hopes and dreams be dashed into the earth?  No!  Our gal may have lacked youth, ambition or even pride, but she had something  mightier on her side……..

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” Yee Yee”

 

A lighter!!!!!!!  And she knew how to use it.

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“Burrrrn!!!”

 

Soon the shame of unwanted weeds was but just a memory and the seeds were sown.

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“Everyone stop looking at my hair!”

 

The moral of the story is :  Girls in pinafores don’t get to play with fire.